omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
