I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
