I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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