we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I deserve this hangover.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
