I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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