I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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