it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
