someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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