A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
