the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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