cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
