I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I am available for nakedness
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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