Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
