I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
