Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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