seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
