Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
