addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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