dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
