I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
