hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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