The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
