I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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