just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I looked at my own cervix.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
