I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
