Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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