He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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