are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
