i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
