I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
