yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
