If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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