Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
