I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
