I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
