Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
