I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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