i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
