he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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