turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
