i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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