If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
