You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
