Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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