Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
