kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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