i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
