apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have feelings that need drinking.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
