Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
