Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
