btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
