if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
