You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
