He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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