hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
