I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
