New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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