I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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