What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
