I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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