you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
